Episode 148 - Hanna's War (1988)

Once again we find another obscure Cannon movie, directed by Menahem Golan, no less. but this Hanna's War isn't the hidden gem we were hoping for. No, in fact, it is one of the biggest misfires we've seen in quite some time. This would be where I go into a summary of our overall feelings, but that would be better served listening to this episode instead. There is too much to go over.

Long story short, this is just a complete belly flop of a movie. It isn't disastrously terrible of the like. No, it is disastrously boring, the worst thing a movie can be. Check out the full episode to learn just how a Cannon movie achieves such a state. There is a good reason Hanna's War has been completely forgotten.

Randy's Score: 1/5

JD's Score: 1/5

Up Next: Shy People!

Episode 131 - Mercenary Fighters (1988)

One would think a 1980s action movie from Cannon Films starring Reb Brown would be a match made in Heaven. There are plenty of genre classics made that tick more than one of these boxes, so one that hits them all should work out for everyone. Unfortunately, Mercenary Fighters fumbles the ball in just about every way and manages to make this sure winner a disappointment. How this happened is anyone's guess.

It's not quite a total flop, but Mercenary Fighters misses the mark where it counts and where other Cannon movies (and Reb Brown flicks) managed to understand why people went to see these films. It's just not what it could be.

Check out the full episode to see just what we thought on this one.

Randy's Score: 2/5

JD's Score: 2/5

Up Next: The Hidden!

Episode 114 - Alien from L.A. (1988) [Revisited]

We are back once again with another re-watch of an old Cannon flick. This time we decided to pick the 1988 subterranean comedy, Alien from L.A., straight from Albert Pyun.

This one is more than a bit infamous as we covered in the last episode on it. However, watching it now has changed our opinions on it a good deal. What was once one of the worst has actually turned out to be a lot more fun and lot less obnoxious than we remember. Perhaps time heals all wounds, but it really is better the second time around.

Find out how in today's episode!

JD's Score: 3/5

Randy's Score: 3/5

Up next: The Young Warriors!

Episode 75 - Season 05 Wrap-Up

That's another season in the bag!

Join us as we go through our recap of the previous season and discuss what we enjoyed the most over Cannon's 1988. As usual we go through what we enjoyed, and what we didn't, among this set of movies and hint at what's next to come.

Of course, as usual there will be no new episode for two weeks, but you might still find a surprise or two on this feed in the meantime. I think I'm about due for another written entry. At the same time, have a Teespring page! It's not much, with just one shirt, but it is something. It contains the logo I designed above. We just hit episode 75, so just wait until we hit 100! It's going to be great. Good times ahead.

Stay tuned as we continue our cruise through the Cannon catalog for gems and junk alike. We're not stopping any time soon!



Up Next: A Surprise!

Episode 74 - Haunted Summer (1988)

For the last movie of 1988, we cover an interesting idea for a movie. In this period drama, Percy and Mary Shelley visit Lord Byron in an infamous meeting of the minds. For those that know about these figures, there is much to mine from this situation, the last time any of the three would meet in this world. What would these famous poets and storytellers talk about? The possibilities are endless.

Unfortunately the movie wastes some good performances and ideas on a story that never comes together to be more than the sum of its parts. There is not much to it outside of the surface idea. The entire project feels under-cooked. To understand our disappointment be sure to listen to the episode above.

Randy's Score: 1/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: Season Wrap-Up!

Episode 73 - A Cry in the Dark (1988)

Every now and then they hit it out of the park. Even in these final days of Cannon they still manage to put out interesting work. Take this True Crime and courtroom drama from 1988. It is suitably tense, unnerving, and well acted and shot. It also produced one of the earliest known memes. You'll figure out what in the episode above rather quickly.

Suffice to say, A Cry in the Dark (or Evil Angels as it is known in some places) is quite surprising in its quality. It is one of the best movies we covered in this season, no question.

Watch as we struggle to come up with complaints, and air our frustrations with True Crime stories in this episode.

Randy's Score: 4/5
JD's Score: 4/5



Up Next: In the Mouth of Madness!

Episode 72 - Platoon Leader (1988)

Welcome to the 2020s!

In this one we take a gander at a Michael Dudikoff picture. As you know, we are both fans of Mr. Dudikoff, and his performance here is just as good as always. This is a Vietnam movie about his character as he deals with the war happening around him. Despite the poster, it's not one of those action movies.

The issue is that there is not much to write home about. It's pretty standard without a main story to hook into. That said, it's not as bad as all that made it seem. Check the episode to see what I mean.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: A Cry in the Dark!

Episode 71 - Doin' Time On Planet Earth (1988)

I'm not certain just how to describe what this movie is about, but I can attempt to try to explain it. An awkward teenager thinks he is an alien, and so do other people. Hi-jinks ensue. That is more or less it.

But despite that, there is no clear progression of any sort of story. The film is confused and does not know what it wants to be. It is also not funny. Needless to say, we didn't like this one. We go into why in the episode.

Randy's Score: 1/5
JD's Score: 1/5



Up Next: Platoon Leader!

Episode 70 - Messenger of Death (1988)

Back for more Bronson! Instead of an action movie this is a slower paced affair where we follow a journalist as he dives into a plot that is more than it seems at first. Even for Cannon this is different for them.

That said, there isn't a lot here, script-wise to save it from mediocrity. Despite good direction and acting, the story itself is weak and under-cooked. See out opinions in the episode above.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: Stakeout!

Episode 69 - Hero & The Terror (1988)

Chuck Norris returns in this thriller about a serial killer and the man who needs to stop him. There's not much action in this one, just a story of good against evil and what one man who has been through the fire has to do to stop the visions of his haunted past. This isn't the typical Norris movie we cover on Cannon Cruisers.

Despite that, there are a few problems that hold this back from being a minor classic, all of which we go over in the episode above. It's not Cannon at their worst, but it's not quite top shelf, either. Nonetheless, it's an interesting flick.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: Messenger of Death!

Episode 68 - Journey to the Center of the Earth (1988)

We didn't think this would happen.

After near 70 episodes spanning 8 years of Cannon's low budget history, we thought we saw the worst of it. The Apple? Incompetent to the extreme, but it had some catchy songs and memorable moments. The Exterminator? Pointless, but it did have some good effects for its era. Even the bad dramas have had a good performance or two to cling to. Every movie we've watched has had something, at least one thing, redeemable about it.

In Journey to the Center of the Earth, there is nothing. That is not an exaggeration. This is, without a doubt the worst movie we've ever watched for this show. And I use the term "movie" very loosely.

Tune into this extra long episode to find out just how bad t can get, because I honestly don't think it can get worst than this.

Randy's Score: 1/5
JD's Score: 1/5



Up Next: Hero and the Terror!

Episode 67 - Salsa (1988)

During the 80s the dance movies reigned supreme. We've already covered some of Cannon's biggest hits and misses in the genre, but this is one few talk about. It's not the best, or even all that great, but it has quite a few surprisingly good bits to it. Be sure to listen to the episode above to hear exactly why.

And get ready to party!

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: The Philadelphia Experiment!

Episode 66 - Appointment With Death (1988)

This week we take a look at an adaption of an Agatha Christie novel. It has a bit of an all-star cast for the time, though it had obvious budget problems since the shooting was brought to Israel as a change of location. Other than that it's pretty standard fair, which for Cannon at the time is saying something.

Unfortunately, that also works against it. What we are left with is a rather forgettable affair that neither thrills nor annoys. It's just a movie that exists. Some might say that is the worst thing entertainment can be, but it is not quite that bad. Watch the episode to understand why.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: Salsa!

Episode 65 - Bloodsport (1988)

You better believe I was hyped for this one. Now over thirty years old, this is the movie that started so many trends and the career of its star. Not only that but the background behind this one is almost as good as the movie itself. This is going to be a long episode. Are you ready to step into the ring?

All that said, Bloodsport is one of Cannon's most iconic productions, and for good reason. If you haven't seen it then what are you doing on this blog? Movies like this is why we decided to do Cannon Cruisers to begin with.

Randy's Score: 4/5
JD's Score: 5/5



Up Next: Appointment With Death!

Episode 64 - Alien from LA (1988)

This is a notoriously bad lost world story from Cannon Cruiser favorite Albert Pyun. It's messy, badly acted, and completely nonsensical. This movie is rather notorious, even among Cannon's library of rather questionable films. However, we didn't actually find it as bad as other lesser pictures we've covered.

In fact we talk about this one for a surprisingly long time. If you want to know how we could talk so long about a movie even Mystery Science Theater 3000 covered then you're going to want to catch this episode. It's a doozy.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: Blue Thunder!

Episode 63 - Going Bananas (1988)

I'm not even certain how to describe this one. It's a family film that was supposed to star the Orangutan from Every Which Way But Loose, but due to Cannon being Cannon ended up being Deep Roy in a monkey suit. The script is a mess, the story goes nowhere, and the production has gone down as one of the most embarrassing in Cannon's entire run. And I can say its reputation is one well earned.

To find out more, listen to the newest episode. Expect a lot of weirdness. That is pretty much all this movie is, in addition to being one of the worst moves we've covered so far.

Randy's Score: 1/5
JD's Score: 1/5



Up Next: Alien from LA! 

Episode 62 - Braddock: Missing in Action III (1988)

Welcome back to the new season of Cannon Cruisers! We're in the age of diminishing budgets where the Golden Age of Cannon has nearly wrapped up.

But before we get there there are a few gems to discover. Missing in Action III isn't one of them, not quite, but it is a step up from its predecessor, the monumentally boring Missing in Action II. It doesn't reach the level of the original, but it is in tone with it and one has give it to Check Norris for not just phoning it in with another piece on the level with the previous. If you enjoy Cannon action then you should see it.

That said, it isn't perfect. We go into why in the first Cannon centered episode of the season above!

Randy's Score: 2/5

JD's Score: 3/5

Up Next: Going Bananas!