Episode 71 - Doin' Time On Planet Earth (1988)

I'm not certain just how to describe what this movie is about, but I can attempt to try to explain it. An awkward teenager thinks he is an alien, and so do other people. Hi-jinks ensue. That is more or less it.

But despite that, there is no clear progression of any sort of story. The film is confused and does not know what it wants to be. It is also not funny. Needless to say, we didn't like this one. We go into why in the episode.

Randy's Score: 1/5
JD's Score: 1/5



Up Next: Platoon Leader!

Non-Cannon ~ Episode 43 - Stakeout (1987)

Part cop movie, part drama, Stakeout was one of the first buddy cop movies to come around during the explosion of the genre with Lethal Weapon. In this one, to down on their luck officers end up with a crummy assignment that ends up being a much bigger deal than expected.

We haven't covered much in the way of Emilio Estevez on this show as of yet, but that's about to change with this episode. Does Stakeout hold up? Listen to the episode and find out!

Randy's Score: 3/5
JD's Score: 4/5



Up Next: Doin' Time On Planet Earth!

Episode 70 - Messenger of Death (1988)

Back for more Bronson! Instead of an action movie this is a slower paced affair where we follow a journalist as he dives into a plot that is more than it seems at first. Even for Cannon this is different for them.

That said, there isn't a lot here, script-wise to save it from mediocrity. Despite good direction and acting, the story itself is weak and under-cooked. See out opinions in the episode above.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: Stakeout!

Episode 69 - Hero & The Terror (1988)

Chuck Norris returns in this thriller about a serial killer and the man who needs to stop him. There's not much action in this one, just a story of good against evil and what one man who has been through the fire has to do to stop the visions of his haunted past. This isn't the typical Norris movie we cover on Cannon Cruisers.

Despite that, there are a few problems that hold this back from being a minor classic, all of which we go over in the episode above. It's not Cannon at their worst, but it's not quite top shelf, either. Nonetheless, it's an interesting flick.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: Messenger of Death!

Episode 68 - Journey to the Center of the Earth (1988)

We didn't think this would happen.

After near 70 episodes spanning 8 years of Cannon's low budget history, we thought we saw the worst of it. The Apple? Incompetent to the extreme, but it had some catchy songs and memorable moments. The Exterminator? Pointless, but it did have some good effects for its era. Even the bad dramas have had a good performance or two to cling to. Every movie we've watched has had something, at least one thing, redeemable about it.

In Journey to the Center of the Earth, there is nothing. That is not an exaggeration. This is, without a doubt the worst movie we've ever watched for this show. And I use the term "movie" very loosely.

Tune into this extra long episode to find out just how bad t can get, because I honestly don't think it can get worst than this.

Randy's Score: 1/5
JD's Score: 1/5



Up Next: Hero and the Terror!

Non-Cannon ~ Episode 42 - The Philadelphia Experiment (1984)

For the first time we touch on a Michael Pare movie, and it turns out to be his most obscure work from that era. In this one we explore the near-mythological experiment from WWII and what could have happened, in this time travel adventure movie. It's an odd duck of a film.

Plenty of car chases and strange Sci-fi special effects make this one a more visually interesting movie than you might think, as well as some satisfying twists. We quite enjoyed this forgotten flick, and to see just why we did, check out the episode above!

Randy's Score: 4/5
JD's Score: 4/5



Up Next: Journey to the Center of the Earth!

Episode 67 - Salsa (1988)

During the 80s the dance movies reigned supreme. We've already covered some of Cannon's biggest hits and misses in the genre, but this is one few talk about. It's not the best, or even all that great, but it has quite a few surprisingly good bits to it. Be sure to listen to the episode above to hear exactly why.

And get ready to party!

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: The Philadelphia Experiment!

Episode 66 - Appointment With Death (1988)

This week we take a look at an adaption of an Agatha Christie novel. It has a bit of an all-star cast for the time, though it had obvious budget problems since the shooting was brought to Israel as a change of location. Other than that it's pretty standard fair, which for Cannon at the time is saying something.

Unfortunately, that also works against it. What we are left with is a rather forgettable affair that neither thrills nor annoys. It's just a movie that exists. Some might say that is the worst thing entertainment can be, but it is not quite that bad. Watch the episode to understand why.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: Salsa!

Episode 65 - Bloodsport (1988)

You better believe I was hyped for this one. Now over thirty years old, this is the movie that started so many trends and the career of its star. Not only that but the background behind this one is almost as good as the movie itself. This is going to be a long episode. Are you ready to step into the ring?

All that said, Bloodsport is one of Cannon's most iconic productions, and for good reason. If you haven't seen it then what are you doing on this blog? Movies like this is why we decided to do Cannon Cruisers to begin with.

Randy's Score: 4/5
JD's Score: 5/5



Up Next: Appointment With Death!

Halloween Spectacular III! (Non-Cannon - Episode 41)

Welcome back to spooky season, folks! The first year we covered the first three Halloween movies, the second we covered Wes Craven Nightmare on Elm Street films, and this year we're going a bit sideways.

In this hour long (!) episode we look at the Psycho sequels made in the '80s. That's right, it's time for Psycho II, III, and IV. These aren't that well known, so unless you're a super-fan, you probably missed out on them.

That said, we had a lot to say about them, both normal incites and loopy ones due to marathoning these all at once as we do every year. Check out the episode above for a spooky good time. 

Happy All Hallow's Eve, everyone!

Psycho II

Randy's Score: 3/5

JD's Score: 4/5

Psycho III

Randy's Score: 1/5

JD's Score: 2/5

Psycho IV: The Beginning

Randy's Score: 2/5

JD's Score: 3/5

Up Next: Bloodsport!

Non-Cannon ~ Episode 40 - Blue Thunder (1983)

Now for non-Cannon we decided to try something a bit different. In this thriller we deal with a pair of helicopter cops who stumble into a plot to use an experimental copter for their own nefarious ends. What follows is some of the best action from a helicopter you're likely to see on screen. And not just from the 80s.

However, it isn't perfect. We go into why in today's episode. Tune in to find out. Next time you'll head from us it'll be time for Halloween! So look forward to that.

Randy Score: 3/5
JD Score: 3/5



Up Next: Halloween!

Episode 64 - Alien from LA (1988)

This is a notoriously bad lost world story from Cannon Cruiser favorite Albert Pyun. It's messy, badly acted, and completely nonsensical. This movie is rather notorious, even among Cannon's library of rather questionable films. However, we didn't actually find it as bad as other lesser pictures we've covered.

In fact we talk about this one for a surprisingly long time. If you want to know how we could talk so long about a movie even Mystery Science Theater 3000 covered then you're going to want to catch this episode. It's a doozy.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: Blue Thunder!

Episode 63 - Going Bananas (1988)

I'm not even certain how to describe this one. It's a family film that was supposed to star the Orangutan from Every Which Way But Loose, but due to Cannon being Cannon ended up being Deep Roy in a monkey suit. The script is a mess, the story goes nowhere, and the production has gone down as one of the most embarrassing in Cannon's entire run. And I can say its reputation is one well earned.

To find out more, listen to the newest episode. Expect a lot of weirdness. That is pretty much all this movie is, in addition to being one of the worst moves we've covered so far.

Randy's Score: 1/5
JD's Score: 1/5



Up Next: Alien from LA! 

Episode 62 - Braddock: Missing in Action III (1988)

Welcome back to the new season of Cannon Cruisers! We're in the age of diminishing budgets where the Golden Age of Cannon has nearly wrapped up.

But before we get there there are a few gems to discover. Missing in Action III isn't one of them, not quite, but it is a step up from its predecessor, the monumentally boring Missing in Action II. It doesn't reach the level of the original, but it is in tone with it and one has give it to Check Norris for not just phoning it in with another piece on the level with the previous. If you enjoy Cannon action then you should see it.

That said, it isn't perfect. We go into why in the first Cannon centered episode of the season above!

Randy's Score: 2/5

JD's Score: 3/5

Up Next: Going Bananas!

Non-Cannon ~ Episode 39 - Cloak & Dagger (1984)

We return for season 5 with this obscure non-cannon choice from 1984, a movie nobody really talks about these days. This one is about a boy with an active imagination who gets caught in a spy game of life and death. For a family movie it does not shy away from the consequences of violence though it does stress the importance of family and friends.

Starring E.T.'s Henry Thomas as Davey as well as the perfectly cast Dabney Coleman in the duel role of both Davey's father and a superspy agent, it is the cast that really helps to carry this one. Espionage abounds.

They certainly don't make them like this anymore.

Randy's Score: 3/5
JD's Score: 4/5



Up Next: Braddock: Missing in Action III!

Summer Special #16 - Groundhog Day (1993) [Non-Cannon ~ Episode 38]

For our final summer episode we cover a movie that both of us rank very highly. It is easily one of our favorites. Of course we're discussing Bill Murray's best movie Groundhog Day.

In this flick, weatherman Phil Connors goes to the small town of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, to cover their yearly Groundhog Day festival. He arrives with a chip on his shoulder and the day goes badly. However, when he awakens the next morning he finds the day playing itself out in exactly the same way. He soon finds he is trapped in a time loop!

How does he get out? Well that might be the must difficult journey of all. Tune in to the episode to hear more!

Randy's Score: 5/5
JD's Score: 5/5



Up Next: Cloak & Dagger!

Summer Special #15 - Critters (1986) [Non-Cannon ~ Episode 37]

Now for a bit of a curve-ball. This week we decided to watch one of the few "tiny destructive creatures destroy everything" movies from the '80s that isn't complete trash. This time we watch Critters, a movie neither of us had seen before.

Of course there is a bit more to it than being a Gremlins clone being that it was in production before that movie even came out, and that means it has a bit more to it than you would think. Fish out of water tale, alien invasion, and small town hi-jinks come together to form this unique package. Check out the episode to learn more.

Randy's Score: 2/5

JD's Score: 3/5

Up next: Groundhog's Day!

Summer Special #14 - Blind Fury (1989) [Non-Cannon ~ Episode 36]

Now we get to a real treat. We were planning on watching this Rutger Hauer classic before he died and it just happened to unfortunately get to it just after news of his death. That said, it doesn't soften the experience Blind Fury leaves you with. This is an oddball picture.

A blind swordsman Vietnam vet returns home to find his old war buddy in a bit of trouble. He ends up pulled into a scheme that will have him putting all his skills to the test. And there are plenty of laughs and action to be had along the way.

Of all the summer films we covered, this was by far the most unique. If you haven't seen it before then buckle in and learn why you should. It is quite an experience.

Randy's Score: 3/5
JD's Score: 5/5



Up Next: Critters!

Summer Special #13 - My Science Project (1985) [Non-Cannon ~ Episode 35]

Now this is one we hadn't seen in years. This is a movie that has a bad reputation, mostly from a generation that is incapable of having fun. This goofy comedy about a science project that goes haywire has a basic premise, but they wring it for all it is worth. Escalation is the name of the game.

Of course it isn't the best movie we've watched this summer, but it is easily one of the most fun. We would be hard pressed not to recommend it. The episode above will give you a better reason as to why.

Randy's Score: 3/5
JD's Score: 4/5



Up Next: Blind Fury!

Summer Special #12 - Tremors (1990) [Non-Cannon ~ Episode 34]

We're back with another oldie but goodie. This time it's the Kevin Bacon classic Tremors. Made in the late '80s but only coming out at the start of the '90s it is very much a representative of the end of one era and the start of a new one. At least, when it comes to monster movies and B-films.

If you've never seen or heard of this movie before then what are you waiting for? Click on the episode above and join us for a look and one of the best cult films of the decade. It has its stature for a reason.

They don't get much better than this.

Randy's Score: 5/5

JD's Score: 5/5

Up next: My Science Project!

Summer Special #11 - Miracle Mile (1988) [Non-Cannon ~ Episode 33]

This is a movie neither of us had heard of before we chose it for our series. This isn't a well known film and no one talks about it, but it being so up our alley we had to choose it. Miracle Mile is the sort of movie you figure should have been made at the time then become surprised that it actually was. It's not one that could have been made at any other time.

The story is one of the oncoming nuclear apocalypse as seen from the perspective of one couple in LA's infamous Miracle Mile where the entire movie takes place. As things spin out of control can they keep it together, or are they doomed to fall apart like the world around them?

We talk for quite a while about this one so be sure to check out our full impressions above. That said, we both recommend seeing it. They don't make them like this any more.

Randy's Score: 5/5
JD's Score: 3/5



Up Next: Tremors!

Summer Special #10 - Used Cars (1980) [Non-Cannon ~ Episode 32]

Here's a curve-ball! This time we're looking at one of the most obscure pictures of the 1980s, and one not too many know of. Normally that would be understandable with how packed the decade was, but this not only stars Kurt Russell, but was directed by Robert Zemeckis, the man whose '80s filmography includes Roger Rabbit, three Back to the Future films, and Romancing the Stone. And this movie is up there with them.

Ostensibly a black comedy, Used Cars is about cutthroat business practices between two rival used car dealerships each owned by a different brother. As the story goes on and things get out of control one sinks deeper into the mud while the other begins to learn that maybe this is the wrong sort of path to head down. By the end you will have seen some crazy gags and outlandish situations but you do feel like it has led you on a journey worth taking.

Needless to say we were surprised at how how much we enjoyed this. As always, see the full episode above for our full impressions.

Randy's Score: 5/5
JD's Score: 5/5

Up Next: Miracle Mile!

Summer Special #9 - The Dungeonmaster (1984) [Non-Cannon ~ Episode 31]

We're back again, but not yet for season 5! First we are once again taking a look through some interesting films for our summer picks.

Up first is this non-cannon work we wanted to do last season but never quite had the chance to do. In this one a scientist and his girlfriend are transported to a fantasy world where an evil demonic wizard puts the former through challenging tests. At the same time this is also an anthology film which means there are quite a few hurdles to overcome.

We didn't quite like this as much as the other Empire films we covered before, but it does have some interesting things to discuss. Join us in the episode above.

Summer's just getting started!

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: Used Cars!

Episode 61 - Season 04 Wrap-Up

Well here we are at the end of another great season of Cannon Cruisers! I hope're all having a good time, as we had quite the kick going over every movie we covered over the season.

But don't you fret, we aren't done yet. After a two week break we'll be back with a new summer season of non-cannon movies for you to enjoy. We've picked quite the strange set this time, and you will hardly be able to guess any of them.

But for now enjoy our completely unedited finale for season 4. Up next we move on to Cannon's latter years!



Up Next: Another summer special!

Non-Cannon ~ Episode 30 - Death Wish V: The Face of Death (1994)

And here we are at the final Death Wish movie! Five movies spread over 20 years has led to this moment where Charles Bronson dons the Paul Kersey role one last time. It's a bit bittersweet saying goodbye to the series here on Cannon Cruisers.

Of course this came hear the end of his career and was his final theatrical movie, taking place in the 90s almost seven years after the previous movie. That said, it's hard to tell. It is the weakest Death Wish movie on an execution level, but difficult to dislike. Had there been another film after this it would not be as unique a curiosity, and the final shot does well by Bronson's whole career. This isn't the last we'll see of him on Cannon Cruisers, but this film is a good enough send off.

You can hear our full thoughts in the episode above.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 3/5

Up next: End of Season Wrap Up!

Episode 60 - Death Wish IV: The Crackdown (1987)

We're back with more Bronson! The trip through the Death Wish series has been a bit eye-opening for us concerning action movies and the 80s, especially considering this is one of the last series Charles Bronson acted in. They're not the most we executed movies of the decade but they are very emblematic of it.

However, this was the final movie in the series for Cannon. Enjoy this episode where we see Bronson change tactics to act more as an assassin than just a vigilante. Considering his age it was the best tact they could take and it ed to the most enjoyable movie in the series since the second entry, and maybe the first. But it ain't perfect.

It's been fun, but we aren't done with Bronson yet. Check the episode to see what we thought of this entry.

Randy's Score: 2/5

JD's Score: 3/5

Up Next: Death Wish V: The Face of Death!

Non-Cannon ~ Episode 29 - What About Bob? (1991)

Here is a strange pick for us. This time we decided to cover a comedy, and not just any comedy but one starring Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss. We figured it was about due. It helps that this one is actually funny.

Oddly enough it has been a very long time since either of us has seen this, so marvel as we remember just how bizarre this movie gets and how good the stars are in it. As always, we will share our full thoughts in the episode above.

Randy's Score: 4/5

JD's Score: 4/5



Up Next: Death Wish 4: The Crackdown!

Non-Cannon ~ Episode 28 - Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

What is this? What happened to episode 60? Well, we had a bit of an issue with upcoming movies. Until that problem is sorted out we present you a pair of non-Cannon delights. First up, one of JD's favorites Big Trouble in Little China!

The movie many consider John Carpenter's opus, this is the story of a trucker and his pal who get in over there heads as martial arts, magic, and an ancient being all threaten to destroy the world. Oh yeah, and their girls are in danger! Join Jack Burton on his greatest adventure yet: to get his truck back!

Suffice to say, we really enjoyed our time with this movie. Check out the full episode to hear our full thoughts.

Randy's Score: 4/5
JD's Score: 5/5



Up Next: What About Bob?

Non-Cannon ~ Episode 27 - Eliminators (1986)

For this Father's Day we cover a movie that dads and sons would enjoy watching together. In this Empire film a mandroid goes on a quest for revenge with a scientist, a mercenary, and a ninja, and battles with the forces of evil along the way.

Despite the low budget, this one oozes charm and excitement from everywhere. Those looking for an adventure movie with fantastical elements that could have used a Saturday morning adaption back in the day would be well versed in checking this one out. You will have a blast.

We sure did.

Randy's Score: 3/5
JD's Score: 4/5




Up Next: Big Trouble in Little China!

Episode 59 - Masters of the Universe (1987)

Better known as the He-Man movie, this is one of the most well known films in Cannon's oeuvre. This is also Dolph Lundgren's only work with them. At the same time it is also one of Cannon's most expensive movies, and their last one with any real budget.

Suffice to say, there is much to say about this one. Tune in to see just what the two of us think of a movie that is more infamous than it is loved.

Randy's Score: 2/5

JD's Score: 3/5

Up Next: Eliminators!

Episode 58 - Three Kinds of Heat (1987)

Unfortunately, we once again meet another movie that doesn't quite cut it. After Too Much we were hoping for something better than abysmal, instead we got something worse. Another Robert Ginty flick, this one is at the same level of his others we have reviewed.

And that is a shame as this police thriller needed a budget higher than an hour's worth of minimum wage. We we are left with is movie worth nobody's time.

Randy's Score: 1/5
JD's Score: 1/5



Up Next: Masters of the Universe!

Episode 57 - Too Much (1987)

It's Cannon's take on Short Circuit with that usual low budget touch. There isn't anything else to say aside from that this might be one of the worst movies we've ever covered. The fact's surrounding this film are more interesting than the movie itself.

As always, tune in to see why that is. There isn't much more to say about this one. Avoid at every cost.

Randy's Score: 1/5

JD's Score: 1/5

Up Next: Three Kinds of Heat!

Non-Cannon ~ Episode 26 - Trancers (1985)

We're back with another episode of Non-Cannon. This time we cover another Empire movie--Trancers. This a hard-boiled time travel monster movie featuring much of the same cast as previous Empire favorite Zone Troopers. And this one might be just as good!

So join us for this episode where we talk about this weird film from a weird era made by a weird studio. It doesn't get more peak '80s and the golden age of B-movies than this flick. Movies like this make me glad we decided to do this project in the first place.

You won't see many other movies like Trancers, and that's a shame.

Randy's Score: 3/5
JD's Score: 3/5



Up Next: Too Much!

Episode 56 - American Ninja 2: The Confrontation (1987)

On this Mother's Day we take a look at at movie dads would enjoy much more. That's right, it's American Ninja 2! The crew that made the original such a surprise hit is back, though it has taken an additional year for it to arrive.

Oddly enough, because of this gap between 1985's original and the 1987 sequel doesn't effect the quality of this one at all. It feels more like a Cannon film from 1986 would. Unfortunately the wait, uncommon for Cannon, also made sure to take some of the wind out of the film's sails. Of the 5 movies this is the only one with most of the same cast and crew of the original. Nonetheless, it's a Cannon movie, so you know what you're getting: super ninjas, action, and mayhem.

Not quite on the level of the original, but what is?

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 4/5



Up Next: Trancers!

Episode 55 - Street Smart (1987)

A pet project from Christopher Reeves and one of Morgan Freeman's breakout roles, Street Smart is a drama about pimps and hookers. The streets ain't a fun place to be. Suffice to say this is a bit darker than one would expect from Cannon. A reporter lies about a story (shocker) and it comes back to bite him hard. Soon enough he learns just what horrible things wait out there in the darker corners of the city.

This is not the sort of movie you might expect from Reeve but it is not too out of joint for pictures from that era. Listen to the above episode to hear our full impressions.

Randy's Score: 3/5
JD's Score: 3/5



Up Next: American Ninja 2!

Episode 54 - Down Twisted (1987)

To easily explain what this movie is about I would need to grow about fifty IQ points. The story is such a mess with so many holes that it is a wonder this got made. Albert Pyun is a strange director in that much of what he made is simply disposable trash but he does have a few gems worth seeking out, some of which we have yet to cover. However, this is not one of them.

Ostensibly a thriller filled with betrayals and double-crosses, but none of said turncoat moments make sense if one were to think about them for more than five seconds. The film then builds to an ending that makes the story we came from even more pointless making doubly sure we wasted our time. There is nothing worth recommending here.

If you want a more in depth reaction you could always listen to the above episode. It is certainly more entertaining than the movie we watched.

Randy's Score: 1/5
JD's Score: 1/5



Up Next: Street Smart!

Non-Cannon ~ Episode 25 - Zone Troopers (1985)

This was a surprise. A science fiction WWII movie inspired by old black and white B-movies and pulp stories. For a film with next to no budget the characters, their group dynamic, the special effects, and the plotting is well done. In fact if there was a black and white edit of the film it would be hard to tell just when it was made.

Nonetheless this is definitely one of Empire's best pictures and up there with the likes of Re-Animator and a few others we have not yet covered. Seek it out, but first give a listen to the above episode. Zone Troopers is worth your time.

Randy's Score: 3/5
JD's Score: 4/5



Up Next: Down Twisted!

Episode 53 - The Barbarians (1987)

This is a rather weak fantasy film that was meant to catapult its stars into superstar status. That didn't quite happen but that doesn't mean this one is without merit. Cannon has done much, much worse. It just simply doesn't hold together as a movie.

That said it wasn't the worst thing we watched. To see what we liked you can see the episode above just as always.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: Zone Troopers!

Episode 52 - Number One with a Bullet (1987)

In this buddy action cop movie that has a completely unrelated title to the plot we follow a mismatched pair that attempt to take down a drug cartel. I think. The movie is fairly forgettable despite having a decent budget and cast.

On a side note, Randy later admitted that he completely forgot this movie and that we even reviewed it. That should make this episode extra interesting to listen to.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5


Up next: The Barbarians!

Episode 51 - Over the Top (1987)

Arm wrestling. Stallone. Cannon. Need I say more? This is a goofy family action movie that is fairly lightweight but is a lot of fun to watch. It is also the second of two movies Stallone did with Cannon.

It's not quite perfect, for reasons we go into during the episode, but it does work for what it is. And yes, this is the movie where we got our closing theme from. Not the best thing Cannon did, but it's iconic for a reason.

Randy's Score: 3/5
JD's Score: 3/5


Up Next: Number One With a Bullet!

Non-Cannon ~ Episode 24 - Cheerleader Camp (1988)

Now, dig this. We've got a bizarre horror / teen comedy mash up that goes off the rails and into the deep end and back again as if it is a totally natural thing to do. It's hard to truly explain without seeing it. Cheerleader Camp is bonkers. This is the sort of thing you could only get in the 1980s and would never be made now.

The strangest part of all is that it works, and works well. It shouldn't, by any account, but we really enjoyed it. The movie is quite the experience. There is nothing like Cheerleader Camp. As usual you can see why in the episode above.

Randy's Score: 4/5
JD's Score: 4/5


Up next: Over the Top!

Episode 50 - Allan Quatermain & the Lost City of Gold (1987)

For our 50th episode we take a look at a sequel to a film that definitely wasn't a Cannon Cruiser favorite. This a sequel to the previous Quatermain movie also starring Richard Chamberlain and Sharon Stone and is well known for being terrible. And yet we didn't hate it. Consider us surprised.

The movie is still an unfocused mess that could use a lot of trimming and polish in the story, but we've seen much worse here. Nonetheless you can see our full opinions above.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5


Up Next: Cheerleader Camp!

Episode 49 - Assassination (1987)

Back with more Bronson. Assassination is a movie a bit different than what he has done for Cannon. In this one Bronson is a bodyguard who has to keep watch over the President's wife. Expect much action.

However, it is the weakest work Bronson did with Cannon. Budget issues and confusing pacing and story choices bog down what might have been a better experience. It just doesn't come together.

That said, we didn't hate it. See the episode for more.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5


Up Next: Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold!

Episode 48 - Dutch Treat (1987)

Now we return to our normal schedule of movies.

This one is a bit of an odd duck in that we don't know when this one properly was released to theaters or how long it was there for. We aren't even sure if anyone was aware this movie existed. It's so strange that it's hard to imagine that it did.

Starring the pair from Detective School Dropouts, a movie we both detested, this one is instead part music movie and part screwball comedy. Nonetheless, this isn't all that good. However, it did impress us in several ways that surprised us. See the episode to understand why, but it wasn't as painful as we expected.

What a weird way to begin season 4!

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5


Up Next: Assassination!

Non-Cannon ~ Episode 23 - Krull (1983)

We're back with season 4! Notice anything odd? That's right, we're starting this one off with a Non-Cannon episode.

We've wanted to cover this one since we started Cannon Cruisers, but we never had a spot for it. In season 3 we had meant to do it but ran out of space. However, we managed to get it out for you in time for season 4's premiere.

This is a space fantasy movie with more surprises than you might expect, even for one that came in the wake of Star Wars success. This might not be to the stage, but is it worth checking out? See the review and find out.

Randy's Score: 3/5
JD's Score: 4/5


Up Next: Dutch Treat!

Episode 47 - Season 03 Wrap-Up

And with this we leave you with our final episode of season 3, and halfway point for Cannon Cruisers as a whole. It's amazing that we made it this far. However, we have many more works to cover. Please stick with us along the way.

Once again, enjoy this unedited one hour discussion over B-movies. Over 20 movies are included within. We went all in on this one.

We will be back in two weeks for season 4! Until then, thank you for watching!


Up Next: Season 4!

Episode 46 - Duet for One (1986)

For the last film of season 3 we cover this little known drama from 1986. A woman discovers she has a disease that will eventually takes her life and begins reassessing everything she is and has built for herself. Needless to say, it's not the sort of movie we usually cover here.

It's not a bad movie, though. It's a bit typical and expected of a subversive and hedonistic view at mortality, but it has good performances and directing. As usual you can hear our full thoughts in the episode above.

Randy's Score: 3/5
JD's Score: 3/5


Up Next: Season 3 Wrap-Up!

Episode 45 - Firewalker (1986)

We're back to Norris, but not the sort of thing you might expect. This 1986 movie directed by the director of most of Bronson's '80s films is an attempt at a world-hopping buddy comedy with typical Chuck Norris action. This is not what you would normally see from Cannon and it comes together in a surprising way.

As always, check the full episode above for proper impressions. Nonetheless, we had fun.

Randy's Score: 3/5
JD's Score: 3/5


Up Next: Duet for One!