Introducing Cannon Cruisers: Bonus Feature!

Here is the Big Update promised, and as shocking as it is, the main purpose of it is to tell you that Cannon Cruisers is not actually done.

Surprise!

While the old Cannon Cruisers series ended with exactly 170 Cannon Films episodes and 130 Non-Cannon episodes, a combined count of 300 total, we then decided to use the opportunity to do something different. We will continue Cannon Cruisers in a new way. As a consequence of our decision, we decided to end the old series, wrapping it up in a neat little bow and combining the total episode counts into one. 

We did this because we want to relaunch Cannon Cruisers as more of a general movie / entertainment focused podcast, though it will still heavily feature films from the same time period as the original series did. The main reason we decided to do this is because there isn't much left to cover Cannon Films-wise specifically that we haven't already gone over, but on the other hand there is still plenty from the era (and bordering it) we still want to go over. On top of that, there are also curveballs we'd like to cover that wouldn't really fit the old format at all.

In other words, welcome to Bonus Feature, the new Cannon Cruisers series! Expect more of the same, and more on top of it.

What will be happening is that essentially the first episode of Bonus Feature will go up in March. It will start the count over at #1 again (though it would technically by "#301" overall, it's just simpler to start the numbering from the beginning again) and will no longer be on a weekly basis. We will try for biweekly, but there is no hard schedule anymore. Same style of episodes, it just won't be as constant as it once was.

There are a few reasons for this change. For one, as I've written about elsewhere, and as I know Randy is also dealing with much right now, we want to keep the podcast more of a fun endeavor and less of a serious priority. We've recorded and released 300 episodes over more than half a decade, and we don't want to stop, but we also want to keep it as the light and fun escapism it is for both us and the listeners. Episodes will now come out on a looser schedule, but they will be as they always were otherwise. The only thing that will change is the spread of topics covered and the fact that the "season" format will disappear. Bonus Feature is what it says in the title, a Bonus, and will be treated as one ongoing project from now on.

I also wanted to warn readers of the blog that at some point in the near future the SoundCloud episodes will disappear. That is because we are switching services to something more user (and wallet) friendly, which means we will be reuploading old episodes elsewhere. I will update the old posts accordingly as the switch happens. That said, for those who want to hear the old episodes, there is still the Bitchute page which contains every episode (including the Gaiden episodes I recorded alone during the pandemic), and posted on my own Substack. So if you still want to listen to, or download, any old episode, you still have plenty of options.

That's all there really is to say. Cannon Cruisers isn't going anywhere, neither are we, but the podcast is being tweaked a bit in order to keep it fresh and fun for listeners and to keep it interesting for us. Here's hoping for another 300 episodes on the road ahead. We've got a lot planned.

Thank you for listening and we will see you in March for the first episode of Bonus Feature! It's going to be a good one!

Up Next: Bonus Feature #1!

Welcome to the Cannon Cruisers!

Hello, everyone, we're the Cannon Cruisers!

This is a project started by the two of us to explore a certain area of '80s cinema that often goes forgotten. Many people already talk about B-movies in either two ways: either they incessantly dump on them or they praise them to cartoonish heights. We aim to be a balance between the two extremes where we judge the movies on what they strive to do and how they turned out. To that end we are focused on the legendary '80s studio, Cannon Films, to center out project around.

But maybe we should go back to the beginning to see what exactly Cannon Films is, no?

Cannon Films was a movie studio started in 1967 by Dennis Friedland and Christopher C. Dewey on the back of softcore porn movies. In 1970, with the movie Joe starring Peter Boyle, Cannon began making its way into legitimate movie-making. They were known for their frugal budgets and fast pace, not getting tied up in the mucky mucks of Hollywood, and just getting on and making films.

It was a good plan, but the movies just weren’t there. By the late '70s, their $300,000 budgets weren’t enough to cover their losses. Cannon’s stock value dropped which allowed new owners to jump aboard. This is where out project begins.

In late 1979, Friedland and Dewey sold Cannon to Israeli cousins Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus for half a million dollars. The cousins kept the spirit of Cannon alive, but they began to branch out in the variety of different low budget films, leading to a movie library truly unlike any other out there. Cannon ended up defining the '80s in a surprisingly big way.

After years of mixed levels of success, Cannon closed its doors in 1994 after the split of Golan and Globus and several high profile bombs as a result of breaking their original credo. An era of film ended with Cannon and it’s never been quite the same.

This project is a tribute to that period in film history and how different it really was. We will be reviewing every theatrical movie from the 1980 film Schizoid (the first film that really exemplified the new style the cousins were going for) and up to the very end. Of course, at the end their final movies were released direct to video so we will break the rule for those. This is no mean feat: in 1986 alone Cannon put out 43 films. But there are many films neither of us has ever seen and have always wanted the excuse to do so. This project is the way to do so.

To get things off on the right foot, it’s important to understand one thing. This is meant as a fun tribute to Cannon films and 80s cinema. This is not ironic, or meant as an MST3K level mocking. This project is straightforward and honest. There are enough cynical and angry reviews out there to fill the Grand Canyon. We are doing this because we legitimately like these types of movies and want to judge them for what they’re attempting to do and maybe bring others into the fold.

Therefore, this will be our rating system:

5 Stars means the film excels at what it has attempted, is memorable, and the reviewer thoroughly enjoyed it.

4 Stars means the film was very enjoyable and a lot of fun, but comes just short of hitting full marks.

3 Stars means the film is solid. It has noticeable flaws, but its positive points balance it out.

2 Stars means the film is watchable. Everything else simply does not work. There may be a good point or two, but it simply does not hold together.

1 Stars means the film is entirely without entertainment value on any level. It should not be watched under any circumstance.

We will try to put out one review a week to see how far we can get. The only films being skipped are made for direct to video or TV productions. The only exceptions will be the last films on the list since they are the last the studio ever released. That is how the project will be done.

Why this way? Well, the 1980s are probably the most over hated and least understood decade in the Western world. It’s an easy decade to mock for its eccentricities and over the top style, but it was also the last sincere decade before irony and sarcasm washed good old fashioned fun away. Therefore, we want to be sincere back to it.

So join us every week as we cruise our way through the Cannon Film library. Whether you’re an old fan looking to revisit favorites, or a new one looking to get into it, there’s something for everyone.