Episode 71 - Doin' Time On Planet Earth (1988)

I'm not certain just how to describe what this movie is about, but I can attempt to try to explain it. An awkward teenager thinks he is an alien, and so do other people. Hi-jinks ensue. That is more or less it.

But despite that, there is no clear progression of any sort of story. The film is confused and does not know what it wants to be. It is also not funny. Needless to say, we didn't like this one. We go into why in the episode.

Randy's Score: 1/5
JD's Score: 1/5



Up Next: Platoon Leader!

Non-Cannon ~ Episode 43 - Stakeout (1987)

Part cop movie, part drama, Stakeout was one of the first buddy cop movies to come around during the explosion of the genre with Lethal Weapon. In this one, to down on their luck officers end up with a crummy assignment that ends up being a much bigger deal than expected.

We haven't covered much in the way of Emilio Estevez on this show as of yet, but that's about to change with this episode. Does Stakeout hold up? Listen to the episode and find out!

Randy's Score: 3/5
JD's Score: 4/5



Up Next: Doin' Time On Planet Earth!

Episode 70 - Messenger of Death (1988)

Back for more Bronson! Instead of an action movie this is a slower paced affair where we follow a journalist as he dives into a plot that is more than it seems at first. Even for Cannon this is different for them.

That said, there isn't a lot here, script-wise to save it from mediocrity. Despite good direction and acting, the story itself is weak and under-cooked. See out opinions in the episode above.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: Stakeout!

Episode 69 - Hero & The Terror (1988)

Chuck Norris returns in this thriller about a serial killer and the man who needs to stop him. There's not much action in this one, just a story of good against evil and what one man who has been through the fire has to do to stop the visions of his haunted past. This isn't the typical Norris movie we cover on Cannon Cruisers.

Despite that, there are a few problems that hold this back from being a minor classic, all of which we go over in the episode above. It's not Cannon at their worst, but it's not quite top shelf, either. Nonetheless, it's an interesting flick.

Randy's Score: 2/5
JD's Score: 2/5



Up Next: Messenger of Death!

Episode 68 - Journey to the Center of the Earth (1988)

We didn't think this would happen.

After near 70 episodes spanning 8 years of Cannon's low budget history, we thought we saw the worst of it. The Apple? Incompetent to the extreme, but it had some catchy songs and memorable moments. The Exterminator? Pointless, but it did have some good effects for its era. Even the bad dramas have had a good performance or two to cling to. Every movie we've watched has had something, at least one thing, redeemable about it.

In Journey to the Center of the Earth, there is nothing. That is not an exaggeration. This is, without a doubt the worst movie we've ever watched for this show. And I use the term "movie" very loosely.

Tune into this extra long episode to find out just how bad t can get, because I honestly don't think it can get worst than this.

Randy's Score: 1/5
JD's Score: 1/5



Up Next: Hero and the Terror!